7/2/2017
The Brutal Reality of WaitingSo it has been 45 days since I last heard your voice and it has been 29 days since you decided to give up on us. While it’s a fact that all these days have been really tough, I’m proud to say that I managed to survive and still function well at work and at home. I can still smile, crack jokes, and laugh. But despite those what seemed to be genuine smile and laughter, I won't deny that I am still UNHAPPY. Undeniably, I'm just so good at pretending- pretending to be okay. I never wanted to bother you just yet with my presence since I’d like to give you the time and space you initially asked from me. That way, you may find the clarity you've been looking for. And maybe in that way, you’ll find yourself longing for me too. So forgive me if I had to message you three times for the past couple of weeks. I’m sorry if I had to text you in the middle of your working hours to say how much I miss you; because for Pete’s sake, I really do!! I’m sorry if I had to send you a message at 12mn on your birthday to wish you well and say I love you. And lastly, I’m sorry if that birthday message was followed by another “I miss you” message a couple of days after. Though I somehow knew you wouldn’t get back to me, I succumbed to my longing, screwed up, and clicked on the send button. Let me just say, ang sakit pala ng ini-ignore ka, sobra. Thus, every time I start typing a message for you, an internal battle against myself happens. I always force myself to delete whatever it is that I’ve written to save myself from an additional heartbreak of not receiving any response. At this point, I want you to know that you have always been my first thought in the morning. And even during the day when I’m actively engaged at work, you still never fail to cross my mind. At night, I smile as I re-read our Viber and SMS conversation until I end up crying myself to sleep. Yes, I know I sound weak by sharing you all these but it’s the current reality- the sad and punishing reality. I honestly am slowly losing hope, but a part of me still convinces me that you'll come back. I still hope that one day, I can either see your name pop up on my phone screen or see you personally as you decide to surprise me and show up here in my place, in my city. Like what I said on my first “letter”, I love you, I really do. I am and I will be waiting. -JEN- Read: To The Man Who Was Too Scared To Fight For Our Love All photos are grabbed from Google Images
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Author
-JEN- Archives
July 2017
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